A Journey Through Darkness
by Katiedid01
Summary: The love of one man gave Bella the strength to fall in love with another. When the pieces of our world start to crumble can we really pick up the pieces and move on? AH/AU
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I hope you enjoy this bit of writing. It's my first attempt at such at thing. It's not as dark or morose as the title implies but there is some sadness to overcome. **

**I want to thank my betas twilight(dot)equals(dot)love and Crimson White who have been awesome in helping me get this story up and running. Their advice and encouragement has polished the edges of this piece. **

**Disclaimer: All Twilight characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer and I'm just playing with them.**

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A Journey Through Darkness

Chapter 1

_Dearest Bella,_

_Thank you again for all your help and strength during our wedding. I don't know if I could have gotten through it without you. (But if you ever slap me again, I will take you down!)_

_We just got back from our honeymoon this weekend and had a fabulous time. You must go to Venice when you get the chance. It is the epitome of romance, especially riding the gondolas at night! _

_I also wanted to let you know that you had an admirer at the wedding! _

_We just got back the photos from the photographer and when I showed them to a volunteer here he pointed to your picture and wanted to know about you. He said that your style, grace and beauty captivated him and that you were definitely his type. He looked heartbroken when I told him you were married. _

_You are such a beautiful women Bella and I miss you so much. Tell the family I say hello. _

_Kisses, _

_Alice _

As I reread the email again, I could feel my blush starting to subside. It was nice to be told that I was beautiful or pretty; but, it was unexpected and quite surprising that it was a complete stranger who thought so.

I was used to my husband always telling me I was beautiful; but, he loved me and so I always felt he was talking my about my "inner" beauty. He insisted otherwise but I knew his love overlooked my flaws.

I read the email one more time, smiling to myself, knowing this would boost my ego for the week if not for the month.

I laughed out loud at the words _style and grace_. If this stranger had only known how nervous I was at Alice's wedding, he wouldn't have thought me to be graceful. As Alice's matron of honor, I was guaranteed to be stylish as long as I followed her instructions implicitly, which I did of course. However; I was petrified that I was going to trip and fall as I made my way down the aisle. I dreaded the thought of drawing the attention away from Alice on her big day. It was quite possible and more than likely that such a thing would happen. I had practiced for hours the week before in the deathtraps that were supposedly heels. Even after much protest Alice insisted I wear them. I even put a book on my head to work on my posture. I gave up that idea when I tripped over the book after it fell off my head. Screw posture, just work on staying vertical I told myself.

At the wedding, I only stumbled once and that was when I was leaving the church. Thankfully for all involved, I was holding my assigned groomsman's arm so I did not fall on my face or anyone else for that matter. Alice had shot me a look as I stumbled and I knew that she had been silently praying that I would manage to stay upright for another twenty seconds.

It was a beautiful wedding, even if I did have to slap Alice once, lightly mind you, when she had a breakdown after the wrong boutonnieres arrived that morning.

It was held in an old Victorian manor on a cool Saturday in October in a small town outside of Seattle, Washington. I remember standing up beside Alice and her soon to be husband, Jasper as they pledged their infinite love to each other. In that sacred moment, they were so in love with one another that you could feel it radiating off their bodies, sending waves of unconditional devotion to those around them.

As they recited their vows to one another, I angled my body so I could look out at everyone in attendance. I scanned the faces looking for his. As soon as I saw him seated on Alice's side of the church, we made eye contact and knowingly smiled at one another. I relaxed instantly as I always did when he smiled at me.

I also knew we were both thinking back to the day when we had promised ourselves to each other and put on the golden bands symbolizing our love. We had reminisced about that day as we made the four hour drive though the curvy roads of the Olympic Peninsula for Alice and Jasper's wedding.

We had married the summer between our junior and senior year of college, which is where we met. It was a small ceremony on the beach near his hometown. Our family and friends encircled us, each holding hands, not breaking the connection, as we were wed. We had celebrated afterward on the beach with a cookout and fish fry. Being college students, and not wanting to burden our families, we couldn't afford anything elaborate however our wedding was perfect in every way.

Just as I finished replying to Alice's email, I felt two strong arms wrap around my shoulders. His warm breath tickled the side of my neck sending goose bumps down my arms. I smiled, knowing he was reading over my shoulder.

"See Bella, I always told you were beautiful. Now you have confirmation from an independent source. Of course, now I have to go kill him for ogling my wife- but still, you got your confirmation."

I placed my hands over top of his arms running my fingers over his tan skin. "Oh, Jacob! Isn't it illegal to read others people's mail," I said teasingly, pretending to be offended.

"No sweetheart, I think that's just mail you get from the post office not email. Plus, you would have told me about it anyway," he said in his defense.

"I know; but, now you're going to think you're right… again. " I confessed.

"Well, I am always right and this just proves it once again," he said giving me a quick peck on the cheek as he released me and stood up.

"Humph! You're not always right," I muttered indignantly.

Jacob turned my desk chair around so I was facing him. He leaned over me with a mischievous grin on his face. I smiled in anticipation.

"I was right after our first date when I said you would marry me one day," he reminded me.

His hands grasped the back of the chair, just above my shoulders, and slowly tilted the office chair so I was leaning back. I held on to the arms of the chair for support. He leaned in as the chair moved back.

"But you were wrong that we would get married in Seattle," I reminded him.

"Details, Bella. I was right again on our second date when I said we would have beautiful babies' together," his nose touched mine and gave it a little nuzzle.

"Ah, but you said we would have three children."

He just rolled his eyes at me, "And I was right yet again when I said I would love you for the rest of my life," then he placed a soft kiss on my lips followed by another, each additional kiss growing in intensity until his tongue ventured out searching for its companion. I was unable to respond to his statement.

I complied with my own and moaned into his mouth. I placed my hands on his upper arms running them along his tight muscles. I loved this particular part of his body; the part where one muscle overlapped the next causing a cascade of flesh. He knew it too, so he flexed the muscles slightly. I smiled into his mouth before I pulled back.

"Jake, you're just being cocky." I told him while still kissing him.

"You like my cock…iness. Plus, I'm not being cocky. I'm just confident."

I knew what to expect when he started to be crude and I also knew it would end too soon. The patters of little feet were making their way up the stairs. Jacob hadn't heard them yet but he was soon forced to end that line of thought as a pint size body crashed into Jake's legs wrapping its arms around them. Jacob righted my chair before picking up our oldest, Win, and cradling her like a baby and giving her kissing on her belly.

"Stop daddy I'm not a baby and it tickles," she said as she wiggled and laughed in his arms.

"I take it you're back from Pip and Grandma's. Did you have a good time at the beach?" I said as I rose from my seat, kissing her forehead.

"Oh yes! We went fishing and I found lots of pretty rocks to add to my garden."

Win was 6 years old and had many of Jacob's features but my fair complexion. Jacob had suggested we name her Winter since she was as white as new snow when she was born. We only ever called her Win because I thought Winter was a little too hippy dippy for an everyday name.

As she had grown she had taken on Jacob's darker tones; but, still kept my wavy, brown hair and not his black mane. She complained about it and wished she could match her aunts' long, straight hair.

I met his eyes, he winked. I sighed, knowing our moment had passed and we would have to wait until the kids were in bed to continue our conversation.

"That's great sweetie. Let's go find Seth and then we can take a walk to your garden and 'plant' your rocks," Jacob said as he carried her out of the room as I followed and toward the voices on the back porch.

Seth, named after one of Jacob's childhood friends, was sprawled out on Billy's lap, fast asleep. Grandma Sue joined Jacob and Win on their trip to the garden at the back of the house- a garden that didn't grow much else besides rocks.

"He fell asleep on the ride back. I know he's exhausted from the day spent out by the water," Pip, as our children called him, whispered to me as he held our sleeping 4 year old in his lap.

Seth was again a combination of the two of us yet neither of us. At certain angles he would be the spitting image of Jacob and then if he would turn his head slightly you would see my expression or feature displayed on his face. It always amazed me that we could have created two things that were so perfectly beautiful. Jacob always laughed and said that with such a beautiful mother the kids couldn't have turned out bad, but deep down I knew that sometimes he had to take a step back and be amazed as well.

"Thank you again for taking them today. I know they enjoyed it and it gave us some time to catch up on things around house," I told him quietly.

We watched as Jake dug a small hole in the dirt for Win to plant her rock. Win kept changing her mind where she wanted it so he would have to dig another hole someplace else.

"How did the doctor's appointment go this morning?" Billy asked conversationally, drawing my attention away from Jake and Win.

I knew he was more worried than he let on, but he tended to be a worrier so I tried to calm his fears, "It was fine. The doctor said it's something we should keep an eye on but if Jake continues to feel tired or run down then we should come back in and they'll do some additional labs and tests."

I waved to Win, wondering how she had managed to get her legs covered in dirt when Jake had done most of the digging. She was beaming as she used her watering can to soak the rock. As he knelt down beside her, Jake softly rubbed his hand up and down her back as they quietly discussed what her rock might one day grow.

Billy interrupted my eaves dropping, "Don't you think they should do more now? It's been a month that he's felt this way. I've never seen him look so tired."

"I know, Billy but it took me two weeks of pestering just to get him to agree to see the doctor. He never admits it when he's not feeling well and he hates this kind of attention. Plus there's so much stuff going around now. I'm sure he's just gotten a bug that won't go away." I gave him a smile and patted his arm.

As I made my way down the steps of the porch, I turned back to Billy, "I'll let you know if something changes or if I need your help dragging him to doctor's again, okay?" He sighed and nodded his head, looking down at Seth, softly brushing the hair out of his eyes.

I walk across our small yard to admire Win's rock and hear of her dreams for the newest addition to her garden.

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed this. Chapter 2 - 4 are written so they should be up soon. Reviews would be helpful and greatly appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Again, I want to thank my wonderful betas twilight(dot)equals(dot)love and Crimson White who have been fabulous in helping me get this chapter done. This chapter is much better with their input and advice. **

**Disclaimer: All Twilight characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer and I'm just playing with them.**

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Chapter 2

BPOV

I found myself standing in front of a dark blue door, not remembering the trip I made to get there.

I had been lost in thought the entire trip, Jacob's favorite CD playing on an unbroken loop. I imagined him next to me in the passenger's seat, his loud, toneless warble echoing in the small space. With Jake, the three hour drive from Seattle always ended before I was ready. Tonight it seemed to drag on forever.

Isolated in my memories, I hadn't seen the exit I was suppose to take until I drove past the large green sign. The detour cost me 40 minutes as I backtracked on the dark roads of Clallam County. I spent another 15 minutes sitting in my car in the driveway giving myself a pep talk and reapplying the concealer I always used under my eyes. I had grown too dependent on that little pink tube over these past four months. I never use to wear makeup, now I depended on it to hide behind.

The white house I was facing was large but not pretentious. It was elegant and welcoming, much like its owners. It was newly built. I took a deep breath to steady my nerves; I smelled the fresh, damp earth of the new lawn.

Standing at the door, I studied the familiar red and gold cake box in my hands; I hoped the contents would make up for my tardiness. The silhouette of the laughing baker stamped on the top of the box mocked my nervousness.

I hated coming to these things alone. Meeting new people and landing myself in awkward moments discussing my past. I didn't do or like small talk. I wasn't good at it and I didn't want to talk to anyone about anything of meaning. I _did_ want to be here; to have fun and unwind but didn't know if that was even possible anymore.

I paused as laughter filtered through the solid door. I took a deep breath glancing behind me at the many cars for which I was thankful. It meant I wouldn't be cornered by Alice into an emotional conversion- at least not tonight anyways. That would have to wait until tomorrow.

I opened the door without knocking and being careful not to upset the cake, slipped off my raincoat and hung it on the rack by the door.

"Well, look who's trying to sneak in, Fred?" a warm voice startled me. I turned around to find Alice's parents walking over to me.

"It's so good to see you, Bella!" Mrs. Brandon wrapped her hands around my shoulders pulling me in for a quick embrace before holding me out at arms-length, looking me over. "It's been ages since we've seen you."

"Yeah, I think it's been two years… at Alice's wedding," I replied pulling on a stray piece of my hair.

"You look good Bella, doesn't she look good?" She declared, giving her husband a light slap on his chest with the back of her hand.

"Yes dear, she does," he agreed nodding from a safe distance away. I remembered from the few times I had seen Alice's parents that he was never comfortable with showing affection. Which I found odd considering both his wife and Alice were very demonstrative.

"It's good to see you too Mr. and Mrs. Brandon," silently wondering if their eyesight was starting to fail or if they were just being kind.

"Well, I wish we could visit longer but we have to get back to the hotel before Fred here turns into a pumpkin," reaching her hand out to smooth down the lapel of his sports coat. "And we have to make an early start back to tomorrow. I have an afternoon golf tournament that I just can't miss."

Mrs. Brandon pulled me in for a goodbye hug, "I've been thinking about you dear," she whispered in my ear as she squeezed me tightly.

"Thank you," I whispered back, squeezed her back with my one arm while I balanced the cake box on the other.

"Is this one yours, Jean?" Mr. Brandon said from the coat rack, holding out a black rain coat.

"No, mine is navy not black" she answered rolling her eyes. "Just let me look," lightly pushing her husband to the side so she could search the coats herself.

I gave them a little wave as I made my escape to the living room, taking another steadying breath as I entered the crowded room.

Searching for a place to deposit the cake, I found the food table and pulled the cake out of the box and set it with the other desserts.

No longer having anything in my hands, I fidgeted with the hem of my blouse, smoothing it out so it would lay flat against my skirt. Scanning the room for my friends, I heard Alice's voice before I saw her.

I smiled and nodded as I edged my way around clusters of mingling people towards her singing voice. She was leaning on her elbows against a black baby grand piano; she faced a man who was seated and playing for her.

Some of the people in the room were watching her while others were socializing; sipping on cocktails and balancing small glass plates on their laps. Alice was mostly singing to the piano player, her back to everyone else. Her left foot bobbed up and down behind her as she sang a slow jazzy song that I didn't recognize.

The piano player would throw her a smile when she sang certain verses or hit an especially hard note. I stood in the corner of the room, leaning against a wall, watching her. She was in her element.

She was wearing a red satin off the shoulder dress. The skirt flared out with what looked like several layers of black crinoline underneath. It seemed as though she had walked off the set of a Technicolor 1950s ­ stay-at-home-mom TV show. She even had a set of pearls around her neck, black pearls of course.

Her usual dark spiky hair was slicked down into a bob tonight. As per Alice, she looked stunning. I looked down at my faded black skirt hoping I was dressed up enough for the evening. I felt out of practice and out of place.

From my spot, I surveyed the room to see what others were wearing and hoping to locate Jasper. I recognized a few faces; Esme Masen, Alice's boss whom I had met a few times; Bill Something-or-other, Jasper's friend from UW; and Lauren Mallory, a high school friend of Alice's and bridesmaid in the wedding. She was not my biggest fan since Alice pick asked me as her maid-of-honor over her. I made eye contact across the room with Lauren. Giving her a nervous smile I looked away quickly. I hoped Lauren no longer held a grudge.

Once Alice's song ended, I walked up to the piano and tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around and a huge smile grew on her face.

"Yea! You're here!" she squealed as she hopped up and down, throwing her arms around me, embracing me in a long tight squeeze.

"God, Alice, I miss hearing you sing," I said in her ear as I returned her hug, "and I'm so sorry I'm late."

"Oh not at all! We were afraid you had changed your mind and weren't coming after all," she assured me as she extended her arms, holding on to my shoulders to look at me just as her mother had done, "Plus we have the rest of the weekend. I'm just so happy you're here!" she said as she released my shoulder and clutched my hand.

"Me too, I wasn't sure if I was going to come but decided I needed to get away from things for a while. Thank you for inviting me." I gently squeezed her hand, smiling at her.

"Let me find Jasper. He'll be so happy you made it. He was worried that your van broke down," patting the back of my hand.

"No…" I said, hesitantly, "I drove the Cherry."

"Oh…" she said in a surprised voice but hastened to add, "That makes sense. Well, let me find Jasper and I'll be right back."

"Okay," I answered, feeling awkward standing there alone. I searched for something to do. I studied the curve of the piano, the symmetry of the painting on the wall, the pattern on the curtains. I realized my fingers were twisting the thin gold band around my finger. I paused, pulling my hands apart, flexing my fingers and bring my hands to my sides.

I felt someone's gaze upon me. I noticed the piano player still seated on the bench. He looked up at me and gave me a warm smile. I smiled back looking away quickly.

"Hello," he said in a warm voice, "It looks like you made Alice's day."

I looked down at the handsome man who had just spoken to me. If I had been a different person, a different me, I would have melted at the sound of his voice. I would have noted the shade of his eyes, the color of his hair but I wasn't, I was someone different and I was too cold to melt.

"Well, that's Alice. She always has a spring in her step," I replied looking down at my hands.

"I suppose; but, I think you gave her an extra spring- more than anyone else tonight," he said in stage whisper as he moved to the side of the bench that was closer to me.

"Maybe so…" I smiled at him with a shrug.

Suddenly, I was enveloped in Jasper's strong arms.

EPOV

As soon as she looked at me with those lovely brown eyes, I knew who she was. I hadn't known if I would see her again and now here she was standing in front of me. She smiled at me and I felt my heart begin to race. I tried to determine if there was some way to get closer to her. She didn't know me but I felt the need to be near her- to engage her somehow.

Just as I was coming up with a plan, out of nowhere, Jasper swooped over and pulled her into a hug. He rested his chin on the side of her head. She looked surprised and a little caught off guard by this. Her body seemed stiff and rigid but then she reached her arms around his back and returned his embrace, turning to rest her cheek on his chest. After a deep breath, she closed her eyes and her body seemed to relax into the hug. She looked comfortable, her body leaning into his.

It felt like an intimate moment that I was intruding on and if Alice hadn't been watching, I would have been suspicious of Jasper and this woman's relationship. Envy began to overtake me and I forced myself to look away.

I could hear him mumble something in her ear, I looked back. She gave a small smile to herself and nodded her head against his chest. They released from their hug. She looked up at him with wet glossy eyes that were on the verge of spilling over.

"Thank you for the hug, Jasper, it sooths my soul," she said quietly to him as Jasper nodded slowly.

"Bella, I'm sorry I couldn't be at the…" Jasper started to say, before she interrupted him.

"No worries," she said, shaking her head, "I wasn't really there myself. It was more important that you came to Thanksgiving. It meant a great deal to us that you could be there and that Alice sang," she reassured him while reaching out for Alice's hand, giving it a squeeze.

Jasper nodded in agreement, "That was a wonderful day. I know we enjoyed seeing everyone again and reminiscing."

She smiled up at him, her eyes were wet again. He hugged her once again for a brief moment. I could tell that they had a close relationship.

"How about I find you something to drink? Would you like a daiquiri or something stronger?"

"A daiquiri would be great. I haven't had one for years," she replied.

"Strawberry or… do you prefer _Cherry_?" he asked with a wide grin, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Ugh!" she smiled as she rolled her eyes and swatted his arm playfully, "A strawberry daiquiri you jerk."

"One strawberry daiquiri coming right up," Jasper said as he headed toward the kitchen.

Alice stepped over to us as Jasper made his way to the kitchen. She was evidently excited about something. She bounced up and down slightly on the balls of her feet.

"So Bella, did you bring the cake? I can't wait to have a piece. I've been dreaming about it for a week," clapping her hands together in anticipation.

"Yep, I put it on the dessert table near the kitchen," she replied.

_Bella_- so that was her name. Now I remembered Alice telling me as much two years ago. It seemed like longer than that though.

Alice turned to me, "Ed, you have got to try a piece of Bella's scrumptious cake. Oh my goodness! I forgot to introduce you."

Then she looked from me to Bella and back again. She looked as if something had suddenly dawned on her. She shot a knowing grin at me and winked. She turned back to Bella and held out her arm while gesturing to me.

"Let me introduce you to my very talented and kindhearted accompanist extraordinaire, Edward Cullen. Edward, this is Bella, an all round wonder woman; beautiful… stylish… graceful," she said with a flick of her arm toward Bella, while pausing after each adjective for emphasis, "I could go on and on. She was in my wedding…maybe you remember her," she ended with an impish grin.

My stomach knotted up instantly and the hairs on my neck rose. Why did she have to be so meddlesome? I held Alice's eyes for a moment. I knew exactly what she was getting at. I glared back at her briefly before turning my attention to Bella. She looked confused and embarrassed at Alice's words. Her face took on a hint of red. Catching Bella's eye, I nodded over toward Alice and rolled my eyes and gave her a small smile.

"Nice to meet you, Edward," Bella smiled as she extended her hand towards me.

I met her hand with mine and I realized I didn't want to let it go; not now, not ever. I held on to it a moment too long before she gently pulled her hand out of mine. "I enjoyed your playing, what little bit I heard."

"Thank you. That's very kind," I replied, "It's very nice to meet you too, Bella."

I looked in her eyes and smiled. Again, I didn't want to break my contact with her. I wanted to stare into her eyes, always.

This time however it was Jasper who broke the contact. He handed Bella a glass with bright red slush in it, a dollop of whipped cream sitting atop it and a small, green, paper umbrella jutting out at the perfect angle.

"Here you go. One strawberry daiquiri for the lovely lady and here, Edward, I brought you a beer."

I took it as I stood up and moved closer to Bella and Alice, "Thanks."

"Thanks Jazz," Bella removed the straw and took a sip from her drink, "Yum, yum. Oh, that is perfect."

She smiled a contented smile with her eyes closed, smelling the daiquiri. After her second sip, she ended up with whipped cream on the corner of her mouth. She didn't notice as she began talking again.

"Alice, Jasper I really like the…." she began.

I couldn't keep my eyes off the cream. I imagined leaning down and kissing it off her mouth, tasting the cream and Bella at the same time. She caught me staring at her lips and scrunched her brow together in confusion. I was startled back in to my senses.

"Sorry, you just have something on your…lips… above your mouth," I stumbled.

She brought her tongue out and reached around for it without success. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to her face and ran my thumb over the offending cream. Her skin was soft and warm.

"Thank you," she looked up at me and returning to the pretty shade of pink from moments ago.

"My pleasure," I whispered, hoping Jasper and Alice couldn't hear.

She looked away nervously, searching for something, scanning the area. "Alice!" she said a little too loudly considering Alice was standing next to me, "I would love to see the rest of your house. That's why I'm here. Show me this lovely new home."

Alice leaped over to her, linked her arm through Bella's, and started to walk away. Alice glanced back over her shoulder and smiled a knowing grin at me again. With a smirk she turned back to Bella, leading her away.

Jasper turned to me with a tight grin on his face. "So… Edward, what do you think of our Bella?"

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**A/N: Well, what do you think? Reviews are greatly, greatly appreciated! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

~What Went Before~

Bella's POV

Standing in front of another door, a door from my past, worn and brown I looked down the long hallway of the male dormitory, it was surprisingly quiet. There were two guys standing at the end of the hall discussing something I couldn't make out. I studied the door again; lewd jokes were scrawled on the dry erase board attached to the outside. A poster of a thoughtful, weathered Indian was taped to the lower half the door. The set of gold numbers told me I was at the correct place. Biting the edge of my forefinger, I concentrated on the numbers hoping they would suddenly change and I would be able to leave. Unfortunately, luck has never seemed to be on my side. Studying the grain of the door, I thought back to what brought me here.

~*~*~

It was that afternoon in the dining hall. I was trying to just eat my lunch and even though I was seated across the large room, I heard his voice before seeing him. Glancing up I saw as he and a group of his friends walked in. I groaned at the thought of being stuck in the same room with him, today of all days. Succumbing to the stress of my first semester of college I was suffering from a painful migraine, so hearing his voice only made me cringe. Hunching down over my food I tried to shovel it in as fast in order to escape to a more peaceful place.

As fate would have it, he sat down at the table directly behind me and started in again with one of his friends, discussing some inane sports topic. I shifted in my seat, slouching down further, focusing on my soup until I finally couldn't take it any longer. My nerves were over stimulated and my head throbbed. I resented the fact that I might have to flee the room without finishing my meal, my only meal for the day as I had already missed breakfast and was planning on skipping dinner.

Usually I actively avoided any conflict and was never the instigator in uncomfortable situations; but, at this point my pain had reached a very high precipice, making my head feel as if it would combust within seconds. I just wanted the noise to stop.

Pushing myself up from the table, I exhaled a deep breath before walking up behind his chair and tapping him on the shoulder. He stopped mid-sentence and turned in his seat so he could look at me. The smile that crossed this face would have been infectious had I not been in such a foul mood. As his eyes traveled up and down my frame I narrowed my slightly bloodshot eyes at him.

I leaned in next to his ear, just close enough so that my lips practically brushed against his skin and said in the harshest whisper I could muster: "Would you please be so kind as to shut the hell up? I am currently suffering from a horrendous headache that is being greatly exacerbated by your infantile ranting! I just want to finish my food so I drag myself back to comfort of bed? Or is that too much for you to comprehend?"

He just stared at me with wide eyes, mouth slightly agape. Turning on my heel, not waiting for a response I returned to my seat, proud of my courage to stand up to this ass. He didn't say another word nor did his friends as I quickly finished eating.

I felt his eyes on me as I walked by his table and although I felt oddly compelled to meet his gaze I forced myself not to turn around. I could hear his friends jeering him as I made my way out of the dining hall. "Wow, Jake, I've never seen you quiet for so long. That's a record, man!"

"Yeah dude, she totally bitch slapped you! That was classic!" followed by laughter.

That evening, after managing to get a few broken hours of sleep, I left my room in search for something hot to drink, I found a single white rose in a glass vase outside my dorm room door. There was a small note tied to it:

_Dear Bella,_

_I'm sorry if I caused you any greater pain. I hope you feel better soon. Maybe I can make it up to you sometime when you're feeling better. Sincerely, _

_The Loud Mouth _

Loud mouth indeed!

Over the course of the next month I found out how true that was. For some twisted reason he interpreted our encounter as his ticket to ride the-annoy-Bella-train. Like some school boy with a not so secret crush he asked me out no less than eight times, eight! Argh! It was infuriating! I wanted to throw him from the train headfirst into a deep ditch.

Each time I refused his advances, he would just flash that smile and say, "You will".

I'd huff and slam the door or storm away, trying to rid myself of the startling feeling that his sometimes arrogant but devastatingly sincere voice left on me. Even if I had been interested in dating him his cliché gestures were tiresome and told me nothing about who he was as a person. The dozen red roses he sent I simply handed over to the girl at the end my hall who had broken her leg the night before. The bunch of balloons given to me after my Western Lit class ended up tied to the sign outside the art department advertising their next student art exhibit.

When he serenaded me outside my dorm room window, guitar in hand and off key vocals, I simply closed the blinds and turned up the stereo. During that particular attempt he was successful at winning the hearts of several of my dorm mates who rewarded his efforts with their phone numbers written on various articles of clothing thrown to him from their windows.

None of the displays told me anything about who he was or what set him apart from any other guy. I didn't have the energy to invest in someone who was going to waste my time. I knew I must have sounded stuck up but I wanted something deeper than flowers and boxes of chocolates.

Alice, however, was of a different mind and said I should give him a chance.

"It couldn't be that bad to go on just one date with the guy. You might even enjoy it. God knows you could use a little romance in your life, Bella."

"That's beside the point, Alice! I don't even like the guy. He's thoroughly clueless," I defended.

"No, Bella, he's not. He's quite accomplished. He's been on the dean's list since starting UW, he's is double majoring in Physical Therapy and American Indian Studies and he's on the soccer team.

"He's from a small city a few hours from here. La Puta, or sometime like that," she said waving her hand around. "He has two sisters and is very close to his father who is wheelchair-bound."

Alice registered the shock on my face and grinned at me.

"How do know all this about him? Are you spying on him or something?" I asked, glaring at her.

"No, I'm not spying on him. I have connections, Bella, well placed connections," she said grinning at me.

"Regardless, I didn't mean clueless in the sense of intelligence. I meant clueless in respect to me," I replied, pointing my hands to my chest.

"Maybe you should just give him a chance to get to know you. You can't blame him for being clueless when it comes to you if you never give him the chance. See if he's worth getting to know. Open yourself up little. You didn't date much in high school. Part of college, Bella, is having experiences, relationship experiences," Alice pleaded.

I knew Alice was right. I hadn't really put myself out there. It probably wasn't a horrible idea to go out with the guy. Maybe then he'd leave me alone- but a part of me also knew that I shouldn't even dip my toe in the waters of Jacob Black.

He was handsome, in an athletic sort of way, muscular build but not bulky. His cheek bones that would shoot out when he smiled, his deep tan skin was comforting- like frothy hot chocolate. He never wore pants- just shorts, even in the dead of winter, which highlighted his well formed calves. He was also mulish, egotistical and evidently persistent but I would I soon learned that he was also astonishing.

I finally succumbed to his pursuits after he decided to take a slightly different approach, changing his tactics and taking me by surprise.

A small package arrived in my campus mailbox wrapped in brown paper with my name and address on it in scratchy writing. The letters JB were written for the return address. Back in my room, unsure but curious, I held the worn copy of 'Alice in Wonderland' in my hands staring at it. Thumbing through, watching the pages fan out, I tried to remember ever having read the book. Of course I knew the story of the little girl that follows the rabbit into the unknown.

Sitting on my bed I opened it to the first page. A few of the words were randomly underlined in red pen. I turned the page, more red lined words. I thought that it was quite odd and continued thumbing through the book. Some pages didn't have any words lined at all. Sometimes it was just a letter or part of the word.

"_Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of __having__ nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book __her__ sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, `and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice `without __picture__s or conversation?' _

_So she was considering __in__ her own __mind__ (as well as she could, for the __hot__ day made her feel very __sleepy__ and stupid), whether the __pleasure__ of making a daisy-chain would be __worth the trouble__ of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her_.

_There was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it __so very much __out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself,…"_

I started reading only the red lined words writing them down. When there were too many I wrote them down on a scrap of the brown wrapping paper as I went along.

"_Having her picture in mind; hot, sleepy, pleasure, worth the trouble, so very much. Oh, her waist, her feet, her mind. She ran again, stopping herself before she fell."_

There were more poems throughout the book- if you could call them that. They were more like phrases. Some fit together others didn't. Some were sweet, others sensual, romantic, and some downright bawdy, each brought a smile to my face.

~*~*~

I finally knocked on that worn brown door.

A big burley guy I recognized from that day in the dining hall stood in front of me. "Hey, Jake, I think it's for you," he yelled over his shoulder.

"Okay, be there in a minute, Em."

"You might want to hurry your ass. I don't think she's going to stand around here waiting all night for you. She looks skittish," he grinned at me then walked back into his room, leaving the door slightly ajar.

Jacob came stumbling to the door, pulling his t-shirt over his head as he opened the door, "Bella…? What are you doing here? It's almost 11:00."

Looking him in the eye and desperately trying to stop my impending blush from washing over me I said, "Okay," then turned and walked back down the hall wanting to escape to somewhere safe.

"Okay…? Okay what?" he exclaimed.

I kept walking, focusing on the exit sign.

He came up behind me and took a hold of my hand, stopping my next step. Turning to face him I noticed the warmth of his skin.

"Wait, please," he pleaded. Not moving, I just looked up at him, hoping I wouldn't have to explain myself. I was doing this partly against my better judgment and partly because I couldn't stop thinking about him. He and those damn poems had finally made me crack.

"Okay', as in, okay you'll go out with me?"

"Yes," was all I could manage to answer.

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**A/N: Again, I want to thank my fabulous betas twilight(dot)equals(dot)love and Crimson White who have been so helpful with the writing of this chapter. As always, I benefit from their guidance. This chapter is much better with their advice and support. **

**~*~*~ Please review and let me know your thoughts!! ~*~*~**

**Disclaimer: All Twilight characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer and I'm just making them my puppets.**


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